Why Do We Get Into Relationships.
For the longest time, people have always been drawn to the idea that a relationship is necessary. A relationship and then ultimately a marriage, is the end result of two people liking each other. It’s common knowledge, but is it realistic? We as people will never solely have eyes for only one person. Everyone on the planet will be sexually attracted to more than one person. Everyone on the planet will eventually become emotionally attached to more than one person. We as people are designed to want more than one person, so why has the idea of being exclusive for one person dominated social history throughout time?
I started my blog for the sole purpose of asking questions like this, and hopefully helping other people look at life in a new way than what the “Norm” is. I’ll never claim to know all the answers to the questions I ask, but questioning the structure of society needs to be done, because people across the planet are capable of so much, and rarely live to their full potential, which I think is the worst thing anyone could do with their life. Not live it.
How many marriages end in divorce? The idea that 50 – 60% of marriages end in divorce is actually not true, even though that statistic is probably the most popular one that has made it’s waves around the internet. Although there are many studies and polls that show how often people get divorced, one thing is clear in all of the studies I’ve seen. The younger you are when you get married, the more likely that marriage will end in divorce. The older you are, and the better career you have, you’re less likely to get married. Why is that?
There is no way to study the actual intentions of people or the thoughts they think that lead to divorce, but to anyone who is apart of the world the questions everything around them, we can get an idea as to why those two points make sense.
The younger you are, the more attractive you are, and the amount of people you’ll meet that you’ll want to have sex with and that you’ll have a chance with is higher than when you’re older. When we are young, we are in our prime, and the idea of only giving ourselves to one person just isn’t realistic. Even though you could very well love that person, (I’ll do an article eventually on what love actually is) that fact remains that you are way more likely to run into situations that will make you want to screw over the person you love. It’s in our nature. We can do one of two things, deny those situations that would ruin your relationship, or you could ruin your relationship. When you’re younger, you’re going to want to ruin your relationship eventually, because it’s easy and fun.
As much as I want to believe in the idea that soulmates exist, it isn’t realistic. Relationships are more successful when you’re older, because you have less opportunities to ruin it. When you’re older, you most likely have kids to worry about, you’re not as attractive, and your life, for the most part, is probably already planned out and set in stone.
What are the reasons people get married? If you’re younger, chances are you’re getting married because you believe in love. If you’re older, chances are you’re getting married to someone that can support themselves, contribute to your own life, and not cause you problems. If you don’t believe that, start noticing how many people with careers chose to date or marry poorer people with great personalities.
Another thing worth mentioning is the gender roles in relationships. Men choose to date or marry women based on how they look. (I promise that’s true) and the reasoning for that is selfish. Men like the idea of having the most attractive female they can get to show off to everyone else. Women will date or marry men for the same reasons, but another factor they consider is how successful the guy is before taking him on. (I promise that’s true) for the same reasons, an attractive significant other makes yourself look good. But also, for women, a guys career and money is another thing to boast about, men don’t boast about their womans careers.
When we think about dating, relationships, and marriage, we all like to think that all of those things happen because of love. Once reality kicks in, people realize that love means nothing, and their social status means everything. The better your social status, the more people you’ll meet, The more money you have, the more opportunities you’ll have, and the more attractive your partner is, the better sex life you’ll have. Or at least those are all the subconscious idea’s we all think.
To sum all of this up, the reasons people get married and get into relationships, is for their own security, and their own image they want to portray. Every single aspect of a relationship in todays society, is honestly pretty selfish. Crazy as fuck, right? Let me blow your mind on some more things.
We ALL have had that one friend that starts dating someone and then disappears from everything. All of the sudden, they aren’t hanging out with their friends anymore, they aren’t partaking in the hobbies they once were devoted to, their opinions change to slightly mirror the opinions of the person they’re with. Maybe not completely change, but slightly change.
Those are the people that subconsciously don’t feel like pretending anymore, and everyone else has too much of an ego to realize that we’re all pretending at life. Think about it, unless you have an emotional connection or goal to a project you’re working on, we pick and choose our hobbies based on the people we want to attract. Once we find the person we feel comfortable with, we no longer have to attract a mate, so we move on from the things we thought we enjoyed, if not sooner then later, but we DO do it.
Then over time, we morph. We morph into the stereotype that is “Settling down” all of the sudden we want to have kids, even though we vowed to never have kids. We have a basic job, and live a basic life, because we get bored, but we have what we need to be satisfied, which is a person who is committed to us, will have sex with us, and help us just get by through life. ALL of the reasons people stay in relationships they like, are for selfish reasons, and it’s simply because that life is just easy. You no longer have to try that hard.
So the reason people get into relationships, are because it makes them look good, and the reasons people stay in relationships, are because it’s easy. Both sides of reasons are selfish, and not selfless. That being said, let me paint a brand new picture for you. One that makes more sense.
(The reasons we are in relationships are : Self security, consistent sex life, better self image. )
What if we as people weren’t expected to find one person. What if we as people never changed from the things that made us who we were. What if people never settled, and continued to make themselves a better version of themselves for the rest of their lives. What if people could trust everyone like the person they considered to be their significant other. What if people were cool with having consensual sex with the people they wanted to, whenever they met someone they liked. What if people all cared about each other the way people care about the person they’re with.
The expectations on people need to change. We are all people, and we are all living life, and growing every day. When you find someone you love, you love them. And even though over time, we change as people, we don’t want to give up on the people we love. And that’s okay, because just like wanting to have sex with attractive people is normal and natural, so is loving and caring about people. The idea that we can only have one person we care about and have sex with is where the problem comes into play.
Imagine if you found people you loved, and over time, you found more people you loved, and you strapped them on for the ride throughout life. If one of the newer people you decided to love has to move on, move away, or follow a different life path, they can, and even though it would be bittersweet having them leave, you’ll have more people you love with you so it will be bearable.
Imagine if the hobbies you started, or the things you enjoyed, you continued to enjoy all throughout your life, because there was always a desire for you to get better at your craft, explore your craft more, and meet even more people who were into the same things that you’re into. You’d never have to stop doing things you love, because the end result of settling down with someone would never be there.
Imagine if the things that ruin so many good connections and romances were no longer an issue. Trust would no longer be broken through cheating or lying, or hiding things you don’t want your significant other to find out about, because those unrealistic expectations would no longer be there. It’s okay for us to want the things we want (Unless it harms others of course) and the entire point of this article is to question why we have those expectations. Why are they there, when the expectations are not realistic and don’t make sense.
We should all be living life like we’re single, because when we’re single life is more entertaining, and we’re more productive when we’re single. We as people are designed to live life like we’re single, and that isn’t a bad thing. It’s not a bad thing to want to have sex with more than one person, and it isn’t a bad thing to want to get to know more than one person on an emotional level, so I suggest to planet Earth that we stop pretending.
Thanks for reading.